Holy Crusadors. They are right, according to traditional Biblical and Catholic teachings.

That’s right, for Lent I am giving up the Catholic Church. I need a break from all this. After serious consideration, and yes, prayer, I have decided that I need some distance. Whether I return is uncertain. I love the liturgical life of the Church, and I believe in the Sacraments, the Eucharist, etc, as well as the more mystical aspects of the religion, but so many other things are so troubling to me at the moment that I need to step back. My mind and soul do not need these conflicts right now.

Why am I distancing myself? Well, there are different reasons. The first is I simply do not believe in all that Church teaches. So why should I belong? I strongly disagree with the Church’s teaching on issues such as homosexuality, contraception, etc. I do not consider them sins. Belonging to an institution which says that those who act out on their same sex attractions are engaging in some sort of moral evil is not where I really want to belong. I know many practicing gay people, some of them in my own family, and I will not think of them as evil or morally disordered because of their sexual practices, their need to experience love with others in their own way. In the end, the Catholic Church perpetuates hatred and bigotry towards gays by its teachings on homosexuality. I do not see this as peripheral issue that can simply be ignored.

The rise of politicians such as Rick Santorum have also contributed to my alienation from the Church. I cannot listen to what he says and say to myself, I belong to same religion as this man. Having listened to his sort of Catholicism my entire life, I can no longer accept it. Whether we like it or not, Santorum does represent the teachings of the Church on these social issues. He is a true believer. Then, to see so many Evangelicals and Catholics openly question Obama’s Christian faith makes me realize how small minded and bigoted so many of these people are. If someone does not belong to their brand of Christianity, their very Christianity is questioned. Unfortunately this is as old as Christianity itself. It is particularly rife in more traditionally minded Catholic groups. In a larger political context, I cannot stand the Republican party, conservatives, or anything associated with them any longer. They are the greatest threat to freedom in our country, and they are being driven by religious fundamentalists, many of them Christian or Catholic, who want to create some sort of religious utopia or theocracy in this country. If this sounds extreme, I am planning some more post on this which show the facts of what the religious fundies think.

Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell, another holy Christian warrior who wanted to enact state sponsored rape with forced vaginal probes of immoral, whorish women seeking abortions.

Really, there is not a whole lot of difference between American conservative Christians and Islamic fundamentalists: they both want to impose “God’s laws and rules” on the society around them. The GOP is turning into the American version of the Taliban. For instance, Republican Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is a good example of this American Taliban. He is a good, pure, morally upright Christian who wants to punish fornicators and other morally deviant people, the sort of thing they do in Afghanistan or Iran. He once wrote in a 1989 Thesis for Regent University, televangelist Pat Robinson’s madras, The Republican Party’s Vision for the Family: The Compelling Issue of The Decade.: “Government policy should favor married couples over ‘cohabitators, homosexuals or fornicators” He also said: “Man’s basic nature is inclined towards evil, and when the exercise of liberty takes the shape of pornography, drug abuse, or homosexuality, the government must restrain, punish, and deter.” This would be consistent with traditional Christian and Catholic teaching. Therefore, in the political reality of the world, he and his kind want to punish me for fucking women. I say to him and his ilk, fuck off. I will oppose you forever.

To belong to a group, it is essential that you feel some sort of fundamental connection with the members of that group. There needs to be some commonality. To a large degree, I no longer feel that with Catholicism. As the Church is presently structured, the strict orthodoxy promulgated on a daily basis through official Church organs, or through the Catholic media, is driving me away from God. I find it is now damaging my faith. I simply do not believe in many of the moral precepts any longer. I actually never did: I just told myself because I thought if I did not, God would punish me with eternal damnation. I was told I needed to believe in the Magisterium of the Church, that God speaks though them, if I want to save my soul, or feel close to God, even though many of those same teachings were antithetical to my basic nature. This created a sort of schizophrenic spiritual and psychological nature inside of me, which I now need to be free off. There is much more to this than I care to ever write about, so I will leave it at that.

The holy crusaders hate all forms of eroticism, especially female nudity. It makes them think naughty thoughts. Imagine!

Finally, my experiences on the Catholic and Christian blogosphere have been enlightening. The vitriol and hatred I have seen expressed on many traditionalist Catholic blogs, or other Christian blogs, towards those who do not agree with all Church teachings, or question certain things, made me realize that I have very little, if anything, in common with most of the those who seriously practice the faith. In a sense, when it comes to me I cannot deny their logic: my writings, my advocacy of sexual and erotic themes, is anathema to traditional Christian teaching. There is no way around that and for me it is a tension that has become too great. But even more than the sexual issues,  it is the anger and hatred of so many Christians that so disturbs me. I think for a lot of the general populace out there, Christianity is now beginning to be seen as a religion of hatred and intolerance, thanks to the likes of Santorum and Franklin Graham, among others. Many of the comments I have received on this blog concerning my religious questions, even though I do try to spell them out, are amazingly hostile and vindictive. Some of them I merely delete, because I do not want my comment section turning into a hatefest, nor do I want to participate in that. I have better things to do. This blog, in the end, was always meant to be a pleasurable exploration into sexuality and spirituality, not a slugfest on theology, although certainly many of my posts have dealt with controversial issues, and I know they will elicit such responses. But still, I try to be light hearted about things. Many holy Christians find this to be purely evil and utterly intolerable. My most recent post on this is a good example of how seriously maladjusted some in the Christian world are. If that is who they are fine, but I do not want to be associated with them.

Many of the people in the Catholic or Christian blogging world are recent converts. For me, I have spent my entire life within the Catholic Church. Even though I have met many wonderful people, and made lifelong friends, I cannot even begin to count the number of strident, hate filled people I have come across in my time, who, in the name of a cold theology, see the world in a certain way, and expect everyone else to follow “the rules”, and if they don’t, they are wrong, evil, condemned to hell, etc. For the recent convert, the Church is a wonderfully structured place, an almost abstract ideal put into physical form. Catholicism in particular is a religion of rules and regulations. But I am not a rule oriented person. I hate rules. I like to break them when I can. I really don’t like being told how or what to think or believe. The vast majority of the true, orthodox believers tend to be the rule oriented types: they easily accept what they are told, do not question it, and fall into line. They often fall into certain professions, such as accountants, engineers, military types, etc, the professions that tend to require a certain structured, linear way of thinking. Obeying is easy. In return they receive a certain sense of stability and continuity. For them, safe in the bosom of Holy Mother Church, the world is indeed ordered and harmonious. Again, if this works for them, all the better, for them. But I am not like this. I can’t help question things. Call it pride or whatever. But the bottom line is that I do not feel a connection any longer with the people or the institution to which I belong. So why belong?

Eric Cartman, a personal hero of mine.

This does not mean that I no longer believe in God. Christianity on the whole has been a great force for good in the world. It continues to do many good and great things. I just can’t stand conservative, holy orthodox Christians anymore. So, I may have to go back to my own culture’s ancient religious roots, such as the Olympian gods or something of that sort. After all, I am quite the devotee of Venus, as my blog demonstrates. As Cartman from South Park says, “Screw you guys, I’m going home.”